


10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Cryptid - Facts and Tidbits Every Human (and Cryptid!) Should Know

by estranqer



Category: Marvel (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Social Media, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Bookstores, Fan Clint Barton, M/M, Meet and Greets, Vampire Bucky Barnes, Werewolf Clint Barton, Youtuber Bucky Barnes, cryptid AU, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26076604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estranqer/pseuds/estranqer
Summary: Twenty videos into his little pet project, he hits the big leagues. He gains forty five thousand subscribers in a week, his video hits nearly a million views, and he’s had to get a business email if only to filter through the backlog of comments, chats, and brand emails.The video that sparked it?10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Cryptid - Facts and Tidbits Every Human (and Cryptid!) Should Know.--Being a popular Cryptuber is both hard and rewarding for Bucky. It's hard because his face is so recognizable nowadays. It's rewarding because he's just about to meet his biggest fan.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 12
Kudos: 127
Collections: Winterhawk Bingo Round Two





	10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Cryptid - Facts and Tidbits Every Human (and Cryptid!) Should Know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trashkingtater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashkingtater/gifts).



> This is a gift for Gareth, truly my biggest fan. We had a silly discussion over meet-uglys and prompts and it spawned this hilarious take. I don't think i did it justice, but for those who are wondering, the prompt is: 
> 
> " I run a YouTube channel where I talk about different things and one video is on the topic of an immortal creature / piece of history and you track me down to tell me how inaccurate it all is"
> 
> Additionally, this is technically a fill for Winterhawk Bingo: B4 - Ballcap as a disguise.

Twenty videos into his little pet project, he hits the big leagues. He gains forty five _thousand_ subscribers in a week, his video hits nearly a million views, and he’s had to get a business email if only to filter through the backlog of comments, chats, and brand emails. 

He’d been at Steve’s house, sharing dinner between friends when Sharon called from the living room that his jacket seemed to be visibly vibrating itself off the coat rack. When he’d gotten up to investigate, the phone had been full of notifications, still coming in by the droves, the phone just a single vibration with no breaks in between. His lock screen had taken some coordination before he’d gotten into his phone only to have found thousands of notifications for both his YouTube app _and_ his mailbox. 

That had practically been it. His videos were monetized, he was clearly ad friendly, and his production value was seriously upgraded. 

The video that sparked it?

_10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Cryptid - Facts and Tidbits Every Human (and Cryptid!) Should Know._

He started the video with “I am but one cryptid; my cryptid experience is not everyone’s cryptid experience.” It was a silly throwaway disclaimer as he wanted to talk about many generalized issues. It wasn’t even the first time he’d said something to that effect. But of course, the way of the internet meant that it was out of his control how others consumed what he created. 

That video is still his most viewed video of all time, he’s created a series on his channel called My Cryptid Experience that is basically high production value vlogs of his daily and/or personal experience, all with the secret agenda to bring cryptid experiences to light. 

He’s happy, honestly. He finds it rewarding, if a little superficial and vapid, but he has a great following and he can only hope he’s doing some good to other young cryptids out there in the world. It’s truly something otherworldly to have time to scroll through the comments of a video and find long-winded posts discussing his content and his personal impact on these complete strangers.

It warms his cold, dead heart. 

But it also humbles him. Bucky almost wishes he had a normal sort of admirer. Someone who took parasocial relationships a little too far. Some kind of “normal” for a popular YouTuber. Alas, he’s found he might be the only Cryptuber with this kind of dedicated “fan.”

He uses “fan” exceedingly lightly because hawkguy616 follows his channel, is a paid member, and near religiously comments on his videos within minutes of them going live. The comments themselves, however…

Hawkguy616 started as a sarcastic commenter, throwing back nearly everything Bucky said in his videos and breaking them down with near scathing remarks. Over time, hawkguy616 started losing the sarcasm -- if only a little -- and started commenting with almost a pleading tone, as if begging Bucky to listen to his thoughts. Then, they were long-winded stories that took you twists and turns before arriving at a point that was only semi-tangential to whatever Bucky was discussing in the video. It was odd, to say the least.

Hawkguy616 never once stopped the obvious condescension behind his tone, as if Bucky were beneath him. But Bucky never once considered him a troll as he did some of his other commenters who either went for his looks, his sexuality, or his species. 

Hawkguy616 only ever challenged Bucky’s own intellect. 

Bucky, of course, would never be able to read every single comment that’s posted to his channel, but he does find himself always revisiting a new video if only to see if Hawkguy616 managed to beat his own record of commenting within minutes. 

It’s a silly fleeting enjoyment in an otherwise incredibly busy lifestyle.  
  


* * *

He’s scheduled at a Meet and Greet in a couple hours and he’s really exhausted. He’s definitely not famous by any regard, but the cryptid community is close knit and his face is highly recognizable to those who might know of him. He’s got a ball cap pulled low over his face because the bags under his eyes have turned a deep purple. It’s what he gets for visiting a mall with so many skylights. He’s ever so thankful for the winter months where the sun will set so much earlier in the day, allowing him more waking hours in the night. (Because fuck the summer and it’s 8pm sunsets)

He’s just left the line of a cryptid-friendly drink cart, taking soothing sips of iron-rich hot tea to calm his nerves. He’s scheduled for an appearance at a local bookshop to stir up interest for Dr. Banner’s new book. He’d been interviewed for the book, interestingly enough, as Dr Banner wanted insight from different cryptids in different environments and age groups. Bucky had only personally met a few of the interviewees; Tony Stark, well-known dragon and dragon’s rights activist fighting against greed stereotypes; Brunnhilde, a true valkyrie from the projects who’d survived being hunted; and Carol Danvers, a decorated veteran and phoenix who fights against targeted cryptid recruitment. 

Dr. Banner really wanted to have as many perspectives of cryptid life as possible, and Bucky has deep respect for his work. However, he couldn’t help but feel insignificant standing next to these figureheads in cryptid rights. His blurb says, “James Barnes, known to most as Winter’s Soldier, is a popular youtubers whose content inspires critical thinking of cryptid issues in media and pop culture while also providing hilarious anecdotes about his life. James is both entertaining and genuine in his connection with his viewers.” 

Bucky grimaces at his own thoughts, winding through the hall’s of the mall, avoiding families and young couples alike. A young teen makes an aborted noise when he makes eye contact with them, but Bucky quickly shoves his hat lower over his face and hustles away. 

Even now, avoiding the long line outside the bookstore, knowing a good percentage of those people came and purchased at his behest. He feels like a fraud. He doesn’t find himself all that funny, and his stories more often than not are depressing and end poorly, and how can anyone call him genuine when all he does is talk to a camera all day? 

He _is_ impressed at the sheer volume of people waiting to be let into the bookstore. Dr. Banner had requested he be a special guest at a release, he only had to pick which city on Dr. Banner’s list and Bucky would be set up at no cost to himself. 

Bucky had picked Iowa, knowing from experience that it was home to a large cryptid population, probably for its close proximity to the Great Lakes. He did have an ulterior motive, hopeful that it’s distance from major cities and its location in the Midwest would deter his more _devoted_ fans from traveling all this way. He’s had his fair share of fetishists, let’s just say. He’d never wanted to detract from Dr. Banner’s work.   
  
  


The long line was easy to avoid once he noticed the service hallway and remembered the bookstores instruction to enter through their service entrance. He waited a bit before knocking, eyeing the dregs of his tea before sighing and raising his arm. 

It was a whirlwind of walkie talkies from that moment on. There was only an hour before the doors opened to the public and Bucky apparently needed his face retouched, needed the itinerary read to him ten times, met with the owners of the bookstore to do some glad handing before he was finally physically manhandled into a chair behind a long desk. 

He wished he’d stayed home. 

Dr. Banner carefully took a seat next to him and laughed at Bucky’s audible sigh of relief. 

“Don’t worry, James,” he started in that incredibly soothing tone of his, “It will be over fairly quickly, I promise. Be glad you’re not expected to sign every copy.” 

Bucky smiles thinly, glancing at the glass windows beyond the bookshelves. “Of course, I’m just… nervous. About the turn out.” 

Dr. Banner follows Bucky’s gaze before raising an eyebrow. “From what I can tell, this is just as good a turn out as Union Square, if not better.” 

Union Square’s guest appearance was a Dr. Strange, a successful neurosurgeon and a dryad, whose existence is singularly polarizing to humans and cryptids alike. 

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Bucky mutters. 

A spotty PA pops up from behind them before Dr. Banner can reply and goes over the itinerary for the eleventh time. 

Those who both pre-ordered the book from this very bookstore _and_ donated to their favourite charity are considered VIP and have first access at meeting both Dr. Banner and Bucky. They have the luxury of not being rushed through the interactions (to a certain extent). Bucky wishes they would just get it over with because he can’t handle the suspense. 

The sun is just setting as the bookstore employee goes outside to yell their patrons into a semblance of order. He’d specially chosen a time closer to closing time for his own health but hopefully to cater to local nocturnals. It’s the little things, Bucky thinks to himself. 

There are people slowly being let in, and Bucky can see the tops of people’s heads as they navigate the maze that is the bookstore. The bookstore has outdone themselves laying queue markers with tape on the floor to better mitigate the flow of traffic. 

The unruly mop of hair Bucky had been following emerges from the bookshelves as a blonde with truly the worst case of bed head he’d ever seen. He’s the tallest in the bunch of VIPs, wearing a shirt that looks like it had shrunk in the wash for all it hugged him like a second skin. The bags under his eyes were a little pronounced and Bucky would have thought him kin were it not for the bandage taped to the bridge of his nose. 

He’s also staring intently at Bucky. 

His eyes are multicolored in the spotlights of the book store and he’s swift on his feet, navigating through the line but his eyes never leave Bucky’s. 

Bucky feels pinned and swallows thickly, his tongue suddenly too big for his mouth. _Oh god,_ Bucky panics. 

There are a few guests before the tow headed stranger and they gush a little over Dr. Banner. They’re clearly academics and Bucky can see the doctors ears start to pink. It’s clearly adorable. All of them stop to chat with Bucky and take a picture with him, and one even asks him to sign his passage in the book which makes Bucky feel like his heart was beating once more. 

However, Bucky felt eyes on him the whole time. 

It was finally the bandaged stranger’s turn to walk to the table and Bucky carefully watches how his face completely changes when he smiles at Dr. Banner. He’s animated and friendly and it looks like Dr. Banner might even know him because he sounds _fond_ when he asks who to make the inscription out to, and the stranger’s laugh is self-deprecating as if he’s in on the joke. 

The man picks up his newly signed book and hugs it to his chest when he says, “Say hello to Thor for me!” 

Does he _know_ Dr. Banner’s beserker husband? Or is he an overly familiar fan? 

Bucky has no time to even fathom the question before the stranger is stalking up to his side of the table and slamming the book down in front of Bucky. 

“ _You,_ ” he says menacingly. “I have a bone to pick with _you_!” 

Bucky blinks in surprise when Dr. Banner immediately sighs and very carefully says, “Clint…” 

Apparently, “Clint” definitely doesn’t pay him any mind because he points a finger straight into Bucky’s face, making him cross eyed as he follows it. 

“How dare you. How _very_ dare you!” 

“I’m sorry?” Bucky says warily. 

“Yeah, you better be.” Clint put his hands on his waist and contorts his face as his voice goes high and mocking, “ _i’m OnLy OnE cRypTiD.”_

He immediately drops his voice and the arms. 

“Yeah, exactly. You’re only one dude talking about shit he doesn’t know about. And you gotta be careful, dude.” 

Bucky is speechless, looking at this man with wide eyes. He can feel the rest of the customers in the store staring at them, and the PA in the background shifting as if they were going to intervene. 

Bucky clears his throat and carefully selects his words, “I normally complete a lot of research when coming up with—“

“Oh, really? Well, what the fuck is _werewolves are very in-tune with their dog instincts and as such you should cater to them when possible?”_ Clint’s eyebrows are high in challenge, crossing his arms across his chest. 

Confusion clear on his face, Bucky turns to look around, catching Dr. Banner rubbing his face beneath his glasses and looking like he wants to sink right to the floor. Honestly, Bucky is starting to feel that way himself. This stranger is smug in the face and looking down at Bucky from the bandage on his nose and Bucky could very well be distraught by this stranger accosting him, but he’s really just confused. The other patrons inside the bookstore seem embarrassed but he can see a few of them rubbernecking around people. 

“I-- I don’t think I’ve done a video on weres? I try not to do videos on things I’m not that well-versed in,” Bucky says wryly.

“That’s for sure,” Clint says, a little unkindly, taking Bucky by surprise. “I’ve been trying to tell you for months! Look, a _Were_ is in-tune with their instincts, yeah. But it’s _canine_ instincts. I mean, the dog is a domesticated animal that doesn’t even know basic hunting instincts from territorial instincts. They growl over their food bowls because they’re spoiled morons, and you wanna compare me to _them_ ? I am an apex predator, _sir_ , and --””

“Oh, geez. You’re him,” Bucky breathes quietly, “You’re Hawkguy616.”

That stops Clint with his mouth mid-sentence, his hands still gestured outward as he drove his point home. He looks visibly deflated as if he’d just remembered he was in a public bookstore in the early evening in Waverly, Iowa. His eyes darted over Bucky’s shoulder and back and when Bucky turned around, he caught the PA from earlier giving Clint the stink eye as he slashed his throat, clearly trying to move Clint along.

Bucky can’t be too sure, but he thinks he sees the tops of Clint’s cheeks pink up before he raises an arm to rub at the top of his head.

“Uh, yeah?” He clears his throat, “I thought you knew that? I mean, it’s my face on the account?”

He does a silly wave as if to encompass all of his face, and Bucky is helplessly endeared. 

He hears the PA clear his throat behind him and sees Clint awkwardly shift his weight. He makes a split-second decision after seeing the lost expression on Clint’s face and quickly grabs the book Clint had slammed down earlier. He flips open to the page where his story is introduced and twirls the pen in his hand.

“Why don’t you text me where to meet you after all this is done so you can rant at me uninterrupted and I --” Bucky signs his name in the margins, looking up at Clint through his lashes and pausing for emphasis. He closes the book carefully and slides it back toward Clint, “can tell you how much reading your comments makes my entire day.” 

Clint visibly swallows at this and Bucky knows his smile has a hint of fang in it, but he can’t help that he knows exactly what works for him. If he’s got a read on Clint right -- which is to say, he does -- he’s a cryptid too.

He’s still staring at Bucky with spiky lashes and kaleidoscope eyes. The PA behind them clears his throat yet again, making Clint jump a little before he grabs the book and hugs it tight to his chest. Bucky wants to admire those bulging biceps but he keeps eye contact with Clint as he stands there.

“So…” Bucky drawls, “See you in a few hours?”

Absent-mindedly nodding, Clint slowly backs up and never once trips up where he’s going, walking all the way to the exit without once showing Bucky his back. _Interesting_.

Dr. Banner suddenly snorts and motions the next guest to come forward, but Bucky descends on him, sliding the chair all the way flush with his friends. He sets an elbow on the table and says with emphasis, “Tell me _everything_.”


End file.
